Week 5 - Summer - Kaohsiung
Wow. This week has flown by and created a whirlwind of emotions. Again more goodbyes have come as continuously as the rain. I feel like I’ve said the most goodbyes in this one week than ever before in that amount of time. Many friends that I’ve made here have gone home--which has brought much stuffing down the tears (I know, not a good thing). The thought of going home worsens with each goodbye that I say. I am not ready to go back.
Sometimes I miss certain aspects of being “back home” in the states, but where God has me right now feels like home. I know I’m going to be longing to be back as soon as I leave. I’m ready to come back now, and I haven’t even departed.
Your life changes a lot when you’re willing to step out in faith. I thought I prepared well for this summer, but boy was I wrong. I’ve learned a lot about myself this summer and others too. I’ve remembered a lot about being here and why I don’t want to leave. You think you have a plan or that you have it under control then BAM you’re at a loss on what to do. Coming into this summer I thought I knew what God wanted me to do, but here I am so in awe of who God is and how He works things and evermore lost on what the next step is. I love having plans and sticking to them. There I was creating my idea of what my life should be and was trying to do my own thing. It’s all about waiting on God’s timing and His will for your life.
It has become so real to me how much I try to run ahead. Being present and always ready to be used is difficult. I’d be lying if I said there were not several days in the last couple of weeks where I just wanted to do my own thing and escape God’s purpose for my life. The whole point is to share the Gospel, and to an extent, I feel as if I’ve failed. Looking back, I wonder if I’ve taken every opportunity I’ve had to share. I know ba
ck home I pass up more occasions than I should to share the Gospel. I’ve realized how broken I am. More broken than I realized. I like to think that I have it together. (Spoiler) I don’t. My brokenness is why God sent His Son in the first place--because none of us have it together. We are imperfect. I feel like I’ve said that so many times this past month but mostly brushed it off like yeah sure. Nothing you or I can do can get us to Heaven. We NEED Jesus. Being wholly surrendered to Him is another thing with which He’s been working on me. I like to keep apart of myself locked away to make sure I have something that I want. However, what I want should be what God wants. His desire should be my desire.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I genuinely believe that I’ll be back here Kaohsiung some day. It may not be as soon as I hoped, but that’s okay. God has a plan through it all because He is above all. We should want Him all around us. His thoughts are far beyond mine.