Open Space

I’m gonna be honest… I hate processing emotions. I know it that it is not a good quality but that’s something I’m trying to work on and sometimes I’m more successful than others. You’re probably wondering where this is going, but stick with me. I hate processing emotions because a lot of the time that means dealing with the broken parts or the parts that I don’t like of myself. It means admitting that I don’t have a plan, and I like plans. I like to make a plan and stick to it. I like to try and numbly go through life. Honestly I think that a part of myself believes that processing emotions is a weakness. It’s not. It’s kinda what makes us humans. Especially lately it seems like I’m riding an emotional roller coaster. One minute life is great then next something switches and it there is a lot of realization about everything that it going to happen or that has already happened. I’ve gotten in the habit of just coasting through letting my inward emotions predict how my day is gonna go. 

One Sunday we talked about choosing joy in my Sunday School class. To me that is really hard when I’m busy and done with a lot of things. We also talked about how we try to sprinkle a little of Jesus into our compartmentalized boxes of what we had to do instead of putting them into our Jesus box. I know that sounds kinda weird but as I thought about it that’s exactly what I do. I take steps to do it on my own and when that’s not working I try to sprinkle a little Jesus in it and hope for the best. A lot of my emotions stem from stress, anticipation about what is to come, and about the past. I have a bad habit of dwelling on the past instead of learning from the past and using those experiences in my everyday life, or sometimes I let my past experiences predict how I react to my present situations. My last year and a half have been crazy amazing. In this time, I have experienced high and lows moments. All of which there is a lot to learn in. 

Something I am learning about in the present is that i can’t recreate the past in the present. I can only live in the present and embrace all that is to come. I may not understand exactly why things are happening the way they are in the year to come but God has a plan. He is present and ready to tackle those emotions. All the emotions of not being good enough, of past hurts, or anything. He’s there. You can ask anyone that is close to me and they will pretty much tell you that I’m not a fan of change and hate processing emotions. Those are two of the biggest things that this season is coming with but through it all God is faithful. He is there through the uncertainty even when that uncertainty in life leads to anxiousness and excitement. He is present even if you don’t feel Him. He is ready to embrace all that is to come. He is ready to walk beside you through it all. God created us for a purpose. Finding that purpose is difficult, but He puts passions that drive our decisions and plans. While we may not know what the plan is, but we can choose to trust Him. This question is just as much for myself as anyone else… are you ready to let Him in to help or are you going to try to continue to sprinkle a little Jesus in your boxes and plans?

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